Small - 36.5x51.5x2cm Mixed Media on Wood
In my life, I’ve endured lots of hardship, but most of them just in my head. Last year was the year when I realized just how important perspective is and what we believe in is truly what our own reality is and will become. I somehow trapped myself in anxiety of what may have happened and what may happen in the future. I was fixated in my tormented and needed answers. And before I knew it, I was in a vicious cycle of searching for something that wasn’t there but believing that there was. I’d take the smallest things as signs to feed into this cycle and I didn’t stop until I realized my life was about to crumble apart in my own hands.
What I’ve learned was that depending on the depth of our ego, there isn’t always an answer to everything. I related an ‘answer’ to something I wanted to hear; something that would prove me correct. But what I got were blatant signs that whatever I was seeking was and will forever be nonexistent. When it should be good for me knowing that my fears were not true, somehow it was not good enough. I was spiraling into my own torture chamber purely driven by ego.
I painted this piece, Daybreak, as a departure of this chapter of my life. It was the start, a mark, of my new reality, of me accepting and and choosing to stop hurting myself and to start seeing the abundance of good that was, is, and forever will be in my life.